This blog represents most of the newspaper columns (appearing in various Colorado Community Newspapers and Yourhub.com) written by me, James LaRue, during the time in which I was the director of the Douglas County Libraries in Douglas County, Colorado. (Some columns are missing, due to my own filing errors.) This blog covers the time period from April 11, 1990 to January 12, 2012.

Unless I say so, the views expressed here are mine and mine alone. They may be quoted elsewhere, so long as you give attribution. The dates are (at least according my records) the dates of publication in one of the above print newspapers.

The blog archive (web view) is in chronological order. The display of entries, below, seems to be in reverse order, new to old.

All of the mistakes are of course my own responsibility.

Wednesday, July 24, 1996

July 24, 1996 - Funny Newspaper Headlines

Just last week I got a letter from a careful reader who noticed a sprinkling of spelling and grammatical errors in local newspaper columns and articles, and took issue with my assertion that Douglas County citizens are better educated than some.

One of the special pangs of writing for the newspaper is that no matter how many times you pore over your text before you give it to the paper, the instant it hits print, you see the obvious error. I know this is true for other writers as well.

But just to set the record straight, columnists don't write their headlines. Newspaper staff does that. And as a columnist, I find goofs in headlines to be MUCH funnier than the ones I make. Below is just a sample, gathered from all around the English-speaking world.

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Drunk gets nine months in violin case
Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents
Farmer Bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Stud tires out
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails, Veterinarian takes over
Eye drops off shelf
Teacher strikes idle kids
Squad helps dog bite victim
Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
Miners refuse to work after death
Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
Stolen painting found by tree
Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years
Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide
Screwdrivers were made to tighten, loosen screws
Liquor sales dip blamed on less drinking
Bush gets briefing on drought; says rain needed to end it
Living together linked to divorce
Boys cause as many pregnancies as girls
Tribal council to hold June meeting in June
Death ends fun
Police use tear gas, SWAT team, battering ram, stun gun to oust woman, 65
Cockroach Slain, Husband Badly Hurt
Slayings put end to marriage
Animal unit seeks rabbit witnesses
Jail's $34 million price tag doesn't include cell doors
Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Queen Mary having bottom scraped
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
Never withhold herpes from loved one
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
Autos killing 110 a day let's resolve to do better
If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
War dims hope for peace
Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Child's death ruins couple's holiday
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Man is fatally slain
Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

And there you have it. I'm glad I aren't making mistakes like them.

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